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Scene I: The Zoo[]
Skipper: Ah. Nothing like an old fashioned Sunday drive, eh, Private? Blow darts, hard left.
Private screams while tilting the car. Blow darts hit the brick wall and it is revealed that Rico fired them.
Rico: Aw, man.
Private is still seen screaming as he avoids a line of Bowling Pins, painted like penguins. Private looks ahead and sees more pins, this time more spread out and at random. Private narrowly manages to avoid them, as well as a swinging log, an oncoming bowling ball, and a bomb, which explodes as Private collides with it. Fortunately, Private and Skipper manage to avoid it while in the car.
Skipper: Excellent reaction time, Private! You're really getting the hang of this combat driving course. Mind the chainsaw...
As Skipper mentions it, a rogue chainsaw is seen carving up the pavement and heading towards Private and Skipper. Private screams again and hits the breaks on the car. Then he shifts it in reverse as the Chainsaw heads towards him and swerves out of the way again just as the Chainsaw passes by them. Private is now seen panting frantically and heavily.
Kowalski: My baby!
Private screams as we now see Kowalski wearing a blonde wig on his head and something wrapped up like a baby in his hands. Kowalski is seen imitating a dansel in distress while carrying the object.
Kowalski: Someone please save my baby! (tosses the object to Private, who catches it).
Skipper: Think fast Private. That ain't no baby!
Private looks down and sees that the object Kowalski was holding was a time bomb wrapped in a cloak, dangerously counting down from "00:05", Private screams again and tosses the bomb out of the car and drives away, just in time as the bomb explodes. The explosion is powerful enough to send Kowalski's wig flying off his head.
Kowalski: Oh, baby!
Private now has his head in between his legs and looks like he's about to have a nervous breakdown.
Skipper: Just feel the road...
Burt: There you guys are!
Skipper and Private regain their attention as Burt the Elephant's foot comes down, blocking their path.
Skipper: Evasive!
Private manages to swerve the oncoming car out of the way into Burt's leg, but ultimately the car crashes into one of his other legs. (Although there is no reaction from Burt). Once the smoke settles from the crash, Private scampers out of the car, hyperventilating frantically.
Skipper: Not bad, Private. But had that'd been a decoy Elephant foot, loaded with T.N.T. You and I wouldn't be having his conversation. (looks over at Private to see that he's not in the car)
Private: (still panting) Is—is that likely to happen often Skipper?
Skipper: (sarcastically) Well, why don't we ask Manfredi and Johnson? Oh! We can't! Because they fell for the old exploding Elephant foot!
Rico and Kowalski regroup and Skipper and Private as the Penguins greet Burt.
Skipper: So, what's the trouble, Long Trunks?
Burt: You guys gotta help me. I've gotta get out of the Zoo and across town, today!
Private: Oh, a breakout?
Kowalski: Hmm, complicated by cross-town transport of the largest, living, land mammal.
Skipper: That's a tall order on short notice my ginormous friend. Why the urgency?
Burt: (sneakily) Let's just say, "an Elephant never forgets."
Rico: (confused) Uh, an Elephant never forgets?
Skipper: (impressed) Ooh! Dark and sinister sounding, with a classic pachyderm cliche. Big man, you play me like a fiddle.
Scene II: Elephant Habitat[]
The Penguins and Burt as seen in Burt's Habitat. They are all looking at a map with figurines of them on it.
Skipper: Our first obstacle is Alice. We'll have to keep her too busy to notice Jumbo's exodus.
Kowalski: Perhaps some sort of large mess to clean? But what would be the ideal location for maximum "filthiocity?"
Skipper places the piece representing Alice by the Restrooms on the map.
Kowalski: The public restrooms, of course!
Skipper: All we need is one strategically placed Stink Bomb.
Kowalski: Uh, organic or chemical?
Skipper: Well, let's go green on this one. Big grey, what did you eat for breakfast?
Burt: Beans, broccoli, and a cabbage burrito. Why?
Skipper: Perfecto.
Scene III: The Zoo/Restrooms[]
Alice is seen singing to herself. When she passes by the Restrooms, she begins gagging loudly in disgust.
Alice: What in the world?!
Following the smells, Alice enters the restroom. Shortly after entering it, she is heard screaming loudly in horror at what is inside. The Penguins and Burt peak out from besides the wall to see he reaction.
Skipper: Excellent Craftsmanship.
Burt: (Scoffs with flattery) The Burrito did most of the work.
Scene IV: Elephant Habitat[]
Kowalski with a hay in his mouth is seen decorating Burt's replica out of hay and puts a wing on his beak and puts his wings up at Burt then puts the same wing back on his beak.
Burt: I don't know. It doesn't really look the me.
Kowalski: Wait for it.
Rico spits out peanuts and Burt looks down at them
Burt: (Amazed) Wow! It's like looking in a mirror.
Skipper: Private! Where are we on the elefante camouflage?
Private is seen painting Burt's disguise.
Private: Ready for Burt's fitting Skipper.
Scene V: The Zoo[]
Skipper: Now remember. If anyone asks, your name is Frosty Funtime's Ice Cream Truck #26.
Burt's disguise is revealed to be 2 giant boards painted to look like the sides of an Ice Cream Truck.
Kowalski: You were trained as a laundry service vehicle but on your 18th birthday, you decided to follow your dream and never look back.
Private: Why would anyone ask a truck about...?
Skipper: (Annoyed) Don't confuse the man with questions Private. It's a very complicated alias!
Burt: (Burt salutes with his trunk in compliance) Frosty Funtime's. Got it! Ready to go?
Skipper: Right. Now slow and steady. We don't want anyone getting suspicious.
The penguins and Burt slowly walk towards the exit while Skipper is monologging. Private backs up with flashlights.
Private: Steady! You're doing great Burt. I mean, Frosty.
Private winks. Skipper and Kowalski back up near the exit and Kowalski smells the scent of the bathroom.
Kowalski: Skipper. I am detecting a growing scent of lime and lemony freshness.
Skipper smells and turns to the restroom.
Skipper: Sweet sand as sweat glass! (A mop comes out and goes into a bucket and then back inside) The restroom's nearly shift shaped. We've gotta move out. Right now!
King Julien: (offscreen) Oh! Ice Cream!
Mort: (offscreen) ICE CREAM!!
King Julien, Maurice, and Mort excited run towards Burt, falling for his ice cream truck disguise. All of them are chattering incoherently over one another.
King Julien: Okay um... (Mort jumps up screaming "Ice cream man!") Okay, okay! I want 3 Fudgie-Pudgies, and one of those bars shaped like a President! Eeeh. Melon Fillmore! No no! Wait! Make it a Rutherford B. Hazelnut.
Mort: (still jumping) I want ice cream!
King Julien: Gimmie gimme gimme gimme!
Maurice: Gimmie gimme gimme!
Skipper: (Annoyed) Ringtail! We're engaged in covert operations here.
King Julien: And I am engaged in somebody who is clearly not understanding costumer service. Mort! Teach Mr. Ice Creamy some manners.
Mort screams and jumps at the painting of the driver 3 times. Camera turns to the restroom and flushing is heard as the camera zooms in.
Alice: (sighs in relief, throwing out a mask and gloves) Finally!
Camera moves to Private.
Private: The final flush. She's done!
Skipper: Covers blown. (turns over to Burt) Abort man, abort!
Burt: No! We don't abort for nothing!
Burt seizes the lemurs with his trunk and shoots them away while the lemurs scream.
Burt: Let's ride! (storms out of the Zoo's entrance) Sheaaaa!
Scene VI: The City/The Zoo[]
On a street intersection, the penguins and Burt pop there heads out from a building.
Kowalski: All clear.
Burt walks away and stops and turns to the penguins.
Burt: Gee. Thanks guys!
Skipper: We're always happy to help out a suspiciously vague cause.
Burt: (giggles) And remember. I owe you one now. (continues walking and turns right) And an elephant never forgets!
A black car drives past and the penguins slide back to the Zoo.
Kowalski: Hmm. I think I'd like to throw a few more hay bails on that elephant decoy. I feel like I under-padded the buttocks.
Skipper: Good call! I've lost too many good men due to buttock inaccuracies. Let's move!
The penguins slide away.
Scene VII: Elephant Habitat[]
Skipper, Rico, and Kowalski push a hay bail into place.
Private: (offscreen) Skipper! I-I found something.
Private pushes a hay bail and is shocked by something as the other penguins slide down. It shows a bunch of pictures circled in red markings on them with a black and white picture of a boy with a kazoo pointing to a colored picture of a man.
Skipper: (offscreen while the camera moves) Well. this is uh... disturbing... to me... (moves on screen) Anyone?
Private: I'm disturbed as well Skipper.
Kowalski: (walking over to the boy with the kazoo) That boy with the kazoo. Could it be the legendary "Kid Kazoo?"
Rico: (scratching his head) Kid Kazoo?
Kowalski: You know. Kid Kazoo. The scourge of the Central Park Zoo! Surely you must have heard the tales?
Zooms into the picture.
Scene VIII: The Zoo (flashback)[]
The scene turns into to a sepia-colored flashback while Kowalski narrates over the scene.
Kowalski: He was a Sunday regular. A real piece of work, with a smile like a bear trap. (Kid Kazoo walks over to a habitat.) A laugh like a deranged birthday clown.
Kid Kazoo laughs and spies on Roy the Rhinoceros.
Kowalski: But the sickest thing was that kazoo. (The kazoo shines) Yowling like a kindergarten orchestra.
Kid Kazoo blows the kazoo at the rhino and Roy freaks out. Then Kid Kazoo bugs Pinky the Flamingo while she's eating and she freaks out and flies away. Then Kid Kazoo bugs Bada and Bang the Gorillas as they're eating bananas and they freak out and hug each other.
Private: That sounds horrible!
Kowalski: Kazoos always do Private. (Kid Kazoo's smile fades while saying it) But nobody had it worse than poor Burt. (Kid Kazoo's smile returns and changes to Burt's habitat while saying it. Burt is eating some hay) With his jumbo-sized ears, that incessant buzzing was sheer torture.
Kid Kazoo blows the kazoo and Burt jumps high in the air, screaming before coming back down, angry with eyes closed and the camera zooms in.
Kowalski: He hated that boy.
Burt opens his eyes and glares at Kid Kazoo who laughs and leaves.
Scene IX: Elephant Habitat[]
The scene changes back to the present as the colors return to normal.
Kowalski: I wonder whatever happened to the little maniac?
Skipper: Wait a minute. Look at those shifty eyes. (turns to the picture of the man and gets closer to it) That devious half smile... Those kazoo kissed lips!
Kowalski: By Newton's apple, you're right! (switches to him with his wing on the black and white picture.) It's Kid Kazoo all grown up!
Rico: Wow!
Private: Burt really holds a grudge. For years apparently.
Skipper: I knew it sounded dark and sinister. But this is darker, and sinister-er.
Kowalski: Elephant payback. Ugh! The trunk crusher. The peanut pelter. Maybe even the dreaded two-cheek squat and squish!
Private: Oh dear!
Skipper: Ugh! Whatever it is, we helped him start this mission of vengeance, and we're gonna stop it.
Scene X: Kid Kazoo's Apartment[]
Adult Kid Kazoo, wearing an earpiece, opens the door to his apartment.
Kid Kazoo: (on the earpiece) Lenny, listen to me. I don't care what margins are! Okay? (walks over to the lamp and Burt is behind him) Sell it! Spit out like you found a bug in it! (turns on the lamp) And then... (Burt growls at Kid Kazoo and Kid Kazoo turns his head to see him, only to then back) Yeah, Lenny. I'm gonna have to call you back. Cool? Okay. Love to the family. Bye-bye!
Kid Kazoo turns off his ear piece and turns around, stands for a second, then jumps up screaming in horror at Burt.
Scene XI: The City[]
Meanwhile, the penguins are walking on a sidewalk and Kowalski picks up an elephant hair. He's wearing a magnifying glass.
Kowalski: The hair is clearly pachydermic in origin (licks the hair) --and fresh. A quick read of wind speed and direction tells me Burt went... That way.
The penguins slide off.
Scene XII: Kid Kazoo's Apartment[]
Burt is shown in the window chasing Kid Kazoo around in circles who is screaming. Burt changes and Kid Kazoo runs as fast as he can as Burt grunts. Kid Kazoo hides behind the white couch and calls for someone on his ear piece.
Kid Kazoo: Come on. Come on! (someone picks up) Yes! Hello?
Animal Control Operator: You have reached the animal control emergency hotline. (Burt pulls the couch away.) If you know the type of animal trying to gore you, please say it now.
Kid Kazoo: Elephant. Elephant! ELEPHANT!!!
Animal Control Operator: You said "Everglades Pygmy Sunfish!" (Kid Kazoo runs to a closet and hides inside.) First, step out of the bayou, onto dry land.
Burt searches the closet to get Kid Kazoo.
Burt: Hey!
Kid Kazoo sputters over his words and wriggles free from the closet as Burt continues trying to seize him.
Animal Control Operator: (continuing) If fixed, press one.
Kid Kazoo goes into the kitchen and hides behind the counter and crawls. Burt messes up some dishes.
Burt: You don't know how long I've waited for this, Kid Kazoo!
Skipper: Back away from that broker, you psycho.
The Penguins appear on the window sill.
Kid Kazoo: Penguins? Now there's Penguins?!
Animal Control Operator: You said... "Peruvian milk snake!"
(Confused and annoyed, Kid Kazoo turns off the ear piece and throws it at the Penguins, only for Kowalski to slap it away. The penguins slowly approach Burt.
Burt: No! You guys don't understand! I have to do this.
Skipper: Then I'm afraid we'll have to do this! (the penguins begin attacking Burt's legs.)
Burt: (Annoyed) Quit it! Cu-- Hey! Cut it out!
Kid Kazoo sneaks away and runs to his door. Burt spots him and throws the couch to block the exit.
Kid Kazoo: Aw come on!
Private jumps on another couch and pounces on Burt.
Skipper: Outstanding Private. Now show me that combat driving!
Private: But Skipper. How do you steer an elephant?
Kowalski: (Musing) Ah the internal riddle. Does one truly steer the elephant or does the elephant...?
Burt throws Private off and he lands on Kowalski before he could finish. Rico then jumps in front of Burt and spits out a water gun and aims it at Burt, but he knocks it away. Rico then spits out a bomb, but Burt knocks that away too. Then a hammer, but Burt also knocks that away. Lastly, Rico spits out a pile of peanuts.
Burt: Oooh! Peanuts.
Rico punches Burt's trunk. Burt screams in pain and sucks his trunk. Then he angrily knocks the penguins into the wall. With the penguins taken down, Burt approaches Kid Kazoo, who backs up to a corner. Burt trips him with his trunk and he falls down to the ground. Burt then turns around and backs his butt towards him.
Kid Kazoo: No! NO!!!
Kowalski: (gasps) Good golly! IT'S THE TWO-CHEEKER!
Burt angrily grunts at Kid Kazoo. The penguins look away in disgust, not wanting to see...
Kid Kazoo: (puzzled) What are you doing?
The penguins look again and are puzzled.
Skipper: What's going on? Did the pyscho-derm miss?
The penguins see that Burt didn't sit on Kid Kazoo. Instead, he pinned him against the corner with his butt to stop him from running. Burt glares at him and shows Kid Kazoo his trunk. Burt then blows his trunk and out of it comes Kid Kazoo's kazoo. Kid Kazoo looks at it and takes it.
Kid Kazoo: My old kazoo? But I lost this thing years ago at... at the Central Park Zoo. Wait! You're that elephant?
Burt smiles in satisfaction and turns to the penguins.
Burt: He didn't lose it. I took it. I snorted it right out of his pocket when he wasn't looking. I felt so guilty, I've been trying to give it back ever since.
Skipper: (Bemused) And you couldn't have told us that in the first place? Great.
Burt: Aw! I just get so embarrassed. You know, it's mushy stuff.
Kid Kazoo: (Blows on his Kazoo) Haha! It still works! Cool.
Skipper: But, I thought you hated that kid and his Kazoo? "An elephant never forgets"?
Burt: --But he always forgives.
Skipper: Right. Little sappy for my taste. Gentlemen, let's go home!
Skipper walks away but Private runs up.
Private: But Skipper. How are we suppose to sneak Burt back to the zoo?
They stop and Skipper ponders their dilemma.
Skipper: Hmmm.
Scene XIII: The City[]
The Penguins and Burt are seen heading back to the Zoo, with the Penguins holding up a scribbled painting that used to be in Kid Kazoo's apartment as a "disguise" for Burt.
Skipper: Now remember if anyone asks, you're name is "The Museum of Modern Art!"
Burt: You can call me "M.O.M.A."
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